5 Tips to Having a Consciously Loving Relationship
How would you describe what love is?
What does love mean to you?
One of the best definitions of love that I’ve ever heard is from one of my mentors. She describes love as “wanting the best for another while also respecting your own needs.”
If you are one of my clients you’ve probably memorized this by now or at the very least you’ve heard me say this a million times lol.
“Love is wanting the best for another, while also respecting your needs.” If this resonates with you feel free to write this down and look back on it when you need a little inspiration, guidance, or clarity.
It’s also important to note that you are love. That your essence is love. AND most importantly, that you are worthy of love!
With that being said I wanted to share with you some tips on how to create a consciously loving relationship.
Whether you are single or in a relationship these tips can help you find love and/or take your relationship to the next level.
Ok, here we go… Let’s start with how to choose a great partner.
1. Choose a partner who has a track record of being a good friend.
This is 100% your responsibility! Don’t give your heart to someone who won’t cherish it.
Choose to be with someone who has a good heart, who is kind and has a track record of being a good friend.
How they treat their friends, strangers, cashiers, neighbours, coworkers, etc. says a lot about who they are.
It’s loving to choose to be with someone who treats you with respect. It’s not loving when you choose to put yourself in a messy situation full of red flags.
For example, the classic girls who like ‘bad boys’. Just know that it’s not your job to “fix” anyone and that there are going to be tons of highs and lows if you choose to go that route.
2. Do they have similar core values as you?
Choose to be with someone who shares similar core values as you. This doesn’t mean that you need to have the exact same interests, what’s important is that you share similar core values.
For instance, right now if you want kids and the person you meet doesn’t want kids, then don’t go there. Ideally, find someone who has similar values as you.
It also helps when you know your own core values. Take a few minutes and write out your top 5 core values and non-negotiables. Stay true to your values while also being respectful of their values.
If you aren’t sure how to come up with your core values there is a little exercise at the end.
3. Be with someone who wants to be with you.
The key here is to be with someone who loves the real you.
AND for you to be able to admit to them who you are and be willing to be seen for who you are.
In other words, you shouldn’t have to beg or try and convince someone to want to be with you. If you are constantly pursuing this person and they aren’t interested then it’s time to ask yourself if this is loving of you.
Side note: When I say they want to be with you, I don’t mean spending every waking moment (or just physically). I mean they want to be with you in terms of a relationship.
So many people spend so much time and energy pursuing someone who is not interested in being in a relationship with them.
4. Choose someone who understands that a loving relationship takes commitment and work.
It takes a conscious effort to make your relationship work. You are going to have ups and downs (as a couple and individually).
One of the most challenging times in a relationship is when both partners are ‘down’ at the same time. When this happens it may be helpful to reach out to a coach, family, etc.
Also, know that a key to a loving relationship is having both support and challenge. It’s good to both support and challenge your partner and it’s also good for you to be both supported and challenged by your partner.
5. A good sexual connection (whatever that means to you).
The key is to figure out what works for you and your partner. The problem is when one partner is really sexual and the other isn’t.
One way to have great sex and have an open heart in your relationship is to make sure that you are working on your life alongside your partner. This means taking time for you and working on yourself outside of your relationship.
If you aren’t willing to give yourself what you want, how do you expect your partner or someone else to give them to you?
Treat yourself with love, kindness, respect and remember that the aim of a relationship is not to make the other person happy (or vice versa). The aim is to grow in love and wisdom and to learn to love yourself and others.
If you want to take this to the next level here’s an exercise that I recommend you try.
Mel and I recently did this and it’s been a huge game changer in our relationship too.
1. Write out…
When my love life is ideal, I am (I have/ I do)…
- Write 10 of them
- For example: When my love life is ideal I have an honest and open relationship with my wife
- Pick your top 5
2. Write 2-3 action steps for each of your relationship values and start incorporating them into your life.
You Got this!!