When you choose in favour of your highest values, that’s when you feel most inspired, fulfilled and in alignment.
When you choose in favour of someone else’s values or unknowingly adopt someone else’s values, that is when life often feels draining, overwhelming and unfulfilling.
A clue that your living by someone else’s values is when you feel like you “should” or “have to” do something.
It’s what you ‘think’ you should be doing as opposed to what it is you would love to be doing.
This is important because it gets a lot of people stuck.
When you live outside of your values, not only does it take you out of your power, but it decreases your self-worth, confidence and negatively impacts the other areas of your life.
Let me give you an example.
One of my clients had been feeling guilty for not calling her family.
She loves her family, and she had been playing this tape in her head where she felt like she should be calling them more often and then would get down on herself for not doing it.
Feeling guilty took up time and energy in her head, and she wanted to let it go.
As we worked through it, she discovered that calling her family was a “should” and that the reason she wasn’t doing it is that it wasn’t her highest value.
Although she loves her family, connecting with them on the phone wasn’t on the top of her love list.
Talking on the phone wasn’t something that she loved doing at all. That wasn’t the way that she wanted to connect with others.
Along the way, she adopted it as a “should” because that’s how her family likes to keep in touch.
The truth is, what was meaningful and purposeful for her was having conversations and interacting together in person.
Through working together, she realized she hates small talk. That was such an ah-ha moment for her.
Once, she admitted that it’s not that she doesn’t love her family; it’s just that she hates small talk and that it didn’t matter who it was she didn’t want to pick up the phone; she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
All this time, she thought something was wrong with her for not wanting to pick up the phone. The truth is nothing was wrong with her; she was just trying to force herself to do something that wasn’t actually in alignment with her heart.
It was pretty cool to see this shift in her. By realizing that she had adopted someone else’s highest values, most likely one of her family members, she was judging herself for not ‘wanting’ to do it and beating herself up because of it.
This is important because when you feel you should or have to do something, it most likely isn’t what you want to do.
So how do you navigate this?
Step one is to figure out your highest values and clarify what is most important to you.
This is crucial because you always choose in favour of your highest values. So the more clarity around this, the better.
If you have no idea what your highest values are, I recommend taking Dr. John Demartni’s Values Test. This is something I get all of my clients to do and is free. You can do it for free at https://drdemartini.com/values/.
If you have already taken the test, I recommend revising it frequently. The more you do the test, the clearer you become.
Step two is focusing your time and energy on things you ‘love to’ instead of ‘having to.’
When a ‘should’ pops up, ask yourself where did I get this idea from that I ‘should’ be doing this?
The more you can admit to yourself what you truly want and live in alignment with your highest values, the more inspired and fulfilled you will be.
From this place, you’ll have a more significant impact and more loving relationships. It will increase your self-worth and boost your self-esteem.
The more you can live in alignment with your highest values, the more you can live an amazing life.
Take a few moments and fill out the test. Click here!
I would love to hear what your top values are. Please comment below your highest values or send me an email at [email protected].
Here are a few of my top values in no particular order: Spiritual Growth, Lifestyle, and Business.