Ten Lessons From Our First Five Years Of Marriage
Yesterday, Mel and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and nearly a decade of being together.
We strategically got married on the same day that we first met so that we would only have to remember one date lol.
We had a destination wedding but we actually got married on a random Tuesday (or maybe it was a Thursday) in our living room wearing jogs and a hoody. It was super random and totally not planned. We ended up needing another person to sign the wedding license so we asked the first neighbour we could hunt down and they became my ‘bridesmaid.’
Over the past decade, and more specifically the past five years, we have learned a TON about ourselves individually and as a couple.
This week, we both took some time to reflect on what we feel have been the key lessons, principles, and experiences that have contributed to our ever-evolving, consciously loving, trustworthy and healthy relationship. For the most part, these are the lessons we’ve learned since getting married.
Here’s what we came up with…
1. You are responsible for your own happiness.
You are NOT responsible for making your spouse happy or ‘fixing’ their problems. You can want the best for them and help support them; however, it is NOT your responsibility to make them happy. Nor is it your partner’s responsibility to make you happy.
True inner happiness comes from within.
2. Communication is key!
Have the courage to speak from your heart and to also listen. Speak in terms of You, Me, Us.
3. Explore and try new things together.
A great way to connect and grow closer with your partner is to travel, explore, and try new things together.
4. Do your inner work.
Not only by you doing your inner work you will likely inspire your partner to do the same. The majority of your fears and blocks RE: relationships are tied to stories you created when you were younger involving your family. It’s your responsibility to do the work to release these old patterns, beliefs, and fears.
5. Make yourself just as important as your partner.
Likewise, treat your partner like they are just as important as you.
6. Make time for intimacy.
7. Make time for yourself.
8. Love is quiet.
Love is NOT an emotion. Love is the balance of support and challenge. Love forces you to grow, expand, and have wisdom. Love is safe. Love is quiet.
9. Have a coach, therapist or mentor.
This is a huge game changer! Mel and I both have a life coach. We had a consciously loving relationship before we hired a coach (unrelated to our relationship) but the positive impacts this has had on our relationship is unbelievable!
10. Commitment and effort.
You need both support and challenge to continue to grow. Remember, the aim of a relationship is not to make you happy or miserable; the aim is to teach you to grow in love and wisdom.
Commit to yourself and your partner to continue to work together to learn and grow.