Top 3 Patterns Of How Your Relationship With Your Family Growing Up Is Still Ruling You As An Adult
The purpose of life is to grow in love and wisdom. To learn to love yourself and others.
Some experiences and events we seem to learn from quickly. Others, on the other hand, are a lot more challenging and really push us to grow and harness every ounce of strength we can to just survive, never mind thrive.
Like most of us, your Mount Everest is likely your relationship with your family.
Ah, family… now that is mastery level learning!!! Lol
Often my clients have huge ties to their families and have common patterns and beliefs that are holding them back from getting unstuck.
One way you get stuck is when you are continuing to react based on old stories, beliefs, and patterns that you created when you were younger.
Usually, it’s the little experiences that you have that create illusions that you are unworthy or incapable of having, being and doing what it is that your heart desires.
These patterns have actually served you and helped shape who you are.
Did you notice that I said they have served you, not they are continuing to serve you?
If you are feeling stuck, unhappy or even uninspired to take the next step in your life and happiness, then it is essential to do your inner work and release these stories, otherwise, the patterns that ruled you when you were young will still rule you as an adult.
I love how simply Oprah says just that in her book, What I Know For Sure…
“Like me, you might have experienced things that caused you to deem yourself unworthy. I know for sure that healing wounds of the past is one of the biggest and most worthwhile challenges of life. It’s important to know when and how you were programmed, so you can change the program. And doing so is your responsibility, no one else’s. There is one irrefutable law of the universe: We are each responsible for our own life.”
She goes on to say,
“If you are holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you’re wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how every day brings a new opportunity for your growth. How buried disagreements with your mother show up in arguments with your spouse. How unconscious feelings of unworthiness appear in everything you do (and don’t do). All these experiences are your life’s way of urging you to leave the past behind and make yourself whole. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.”
This is super important and I see this ALL the time with my clients. If you do not take the time to dissolve the feelings and stories from your past, they will continue to rule you as an adult.
For many of my clients, they have no idea that they even have these patterns and how they are impacting their life. The truth is that I didn’t either when I was starting my journey. The super cool part is that with some patience, guidance, and awareness you can change these patterns to ones that are more loving and serving of you right now.
Top 3 Patterns Of How Your Relationship With Your Family Growing Up Is Still Ruling You As An Adult:
1. Romantic/Intimate Relationships are linked to your relationship with your mom.
Patterns you have created with intimacy and romantic relationships are typically associated with the relationship you had growing up with your main caregiver.
For most people this was your mom, however, this could have been your dad, guardian, grandparents, etc.
Since your main caregiver (usually mom) was your first experience of a love relationship there are tons of subconscious links and patterns between your relationship with mom growing up and your intimate relationships now.
One way I often see this play out in my clients is how they treat their partner. For instance, when you were younger you expected mom to drop everything and to be there to make you feel safe and to fulfill your needs. You literally relied on your caregiver for your survival. And in order for them to do this, they had to put your needs ahead of their own.
Where this becomes a problem is when you are still unconsciously relying on others to fulfill your needs. If you did not change these patterns, odds are on a subconscious level you are expecting your partner to fulfill your needs and to make you happy.
Just know that happiness is an inner job and that it is not your partner’s responsibility to make you feel whole or complete. This is another reason why some of us feel hurt or become upset when your partner doesn’t want to do what you are doing or they don’t put your needs ahead of their own. It’s because in the back of your mind you are replaying an old pattern, which may bring up old feelings of feeling unworthy, abandoned or incapable.
These are just a few examples of how your relationship with your main caregiver can impact your current intimate relationship.
By dissolving these old fears, blocks or emotions associated with mom growing up it will free you to then be able to take your intimate relationship to the next level.
2. Career and Finances are linked to your relationship with your dad.
Patterns you have created with career and finance are typically associated with the relationship you had growing up with the main breadwinner in your family.
For most people this was your dad, however, this could have been your mom, guardian, grandparents, etc.
Here are some key patterns I often see with my clients in terms of career/finances…
- While growing up, if you liked your father and he was successful than you too will likely be successful.
- While growing up, if you liked your father and he was not very successful than often you unconsciously hold yourself back because you don’t want to be more successful than him. You hold yourself back because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. This is like the wolf pack mentality.
- While growing up, if you really disliked your dad and wanted to ‘show him’, you will likely be successful.
This is a big one for many of my clients. They have so much anger and resentment towards their dad, but at the same time, they are also super successful in terms of their career and finances because of them. It’s amazing to see how their life transforms by doing some inner work on this. The key is to have gratitude and be able to move forward with love.
3. How big you are going to be in the world is tied to your relationship with your siblings.
Your siblings will impact how you show up in the world and the impact you will have on the world.
I find it fascinating to see how this often plays out in the work environment. Think of your own career or work situation right now.
What is your relationship like with your coworkers?
Often how you interact with your coworkers is similar to how you interacted with your siblings growing up.
For instance, perhaps when you were growing up you often downplayed your successes so that your younger siblings wouldn’t become upset. Or maybe you didn’t feel like it was safe for you to speak up and say what you really want because no one listens. Often it’s the same dynamic as when you were younger.
If you do not take the time to dissolve these stories and the patterns that ruled you as a child they will continue to impact you for the rest of your life.
By doing your inner work and dissolving these stories and subconscious beliefs you have you can then change your patterns, which means you can then change your reactions, which will change the outcome and inevitably change your life.
Take it one step at a time.
You got this!
And if you don’t feel like you got this, feel free to reach out to me for some guidance and help 🙂