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Category: Relationships

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The Key To Connecting

 

Feeling connected is the key to fulfillment.

Whether it’s in your career, your relationship with yourself or others, when you feel connected, that’s also when you feel most fulfilled, meaningful, and inspired.

And likewise, when you feel disconnected from yourself, your partner, or the work you do, that is often when life feels most unfulfilling.

Feeling disconnected will not only lead to you feeling like you are on this journey alone; it also decreases your self-worth and confidence—two key ingredients to living an amazing life.

With that being said, I wanted to share something that my partner Mel and I have incorporated into our relationship that we started about three months ago.

This has been a game-changer for us and has helped us connect more with ourselves and each other.

Before we started doing this, we were having a hard time juggling both of our businesses and transitioning our work-life-balance. We found that although we spent time together, it wasn’t always quality time.

We made efforts to plan date nights, but we found that there was too much pressure to come up with a great idea that it took away from the point, which was to connect.

So to solve that problem, we created Connection Night.

The whole intention behind connect night is to connect. If it sounds simple, that’s because it is!

The simpler, the better!

Our intention is primarily to connect more and enjoy! The key is showing up and being present!

We have a non-negotiable date and time on the calendar, and during this time, there are no phones or electronics.

Sometimes we’ll explore new places, go for a hike, try something new, and sometimes we’ll just sit and chat.

The key with connection night is that it’s not meant to be big and elaborate. Remember, the simpler, the better!

This has been a game-changer for us and is now one of our favourite nights of the week!

If you are looking to elevate your connection with yourself or others, the best place to start is to consciously carve out time for it.

Make it a priority and treat it as such! There is so much power that comes from showing up and being present.

What is your favourite way to connect?

Lots of Love,

Andrea

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How To Navigate The Most Challenging Time In A Relationship

 

One of the most challenging times in a relationship is when you and your partner are both experiencing challenges simultaneously.

This past weekend at the Heart Freedom Method “Train the Trainer” weekend, hosted by Dr. Lise Janelle, this was one of the topics that popped up that I think is very relevant, and I wanted to share with you.

As individuals, we experience ebbs and flows (ups and downs, highs and lows).

Similarly, our partners experience their own ups and downs.

When you and your partner are both “up” together, that’s a fun place to be!

This is often where you feel supported, successful and like things are going well.

The next best place to be is when one of you is “up,” and the other is “down.”

The reason for this is that even though one partner may be stressed out, fearful, challenged, etc., the other is in a “good” place where they can help them navigate it and bring them up.

And vice versa.

The most challenging time in a relationship is when both partners are ‘down’ or challenged at the same time.

And here’s why…

Often when people are stressed, they default to old patterns and past behaviours rather than showing up consciously.

I often see that people revert to the first imprint of love that they experienced, which in most cases was with their parents or guardians.

As a child, when you are stressed or upset, you look to your parent to soothe you and make you feel safer and loved. This is a “need” based relationship, not a consciously loving one.

Fast forward to adulthood and (insert current challenge), it’s like a button is being pushed and rather than showing up as yourself, you act the same way you did when you were younger and expecting your partner to soothe you and make you feel safer and loved.

Then on top of that, if your partner is also ‘needing’ you, it adds to more stressors in the relationship.

So how do you navigate this?

The most important thing you can do is to take control of your own life.

Consciously give yourself what is it that you want someone else to give you.

For instance, ask yourself, what is it that you want your partner to give you right now? Is it love, attention, space, money, etc?

Next, ask yourself, how can you give that to yourself?

This is the key to a consciously loving relationship.

By taking control of your life (including your career, finances, social, spiritual, knowledge, environment, physical), you show up as a conscious co-creator, rather than ‘needing’ your partner to be the source of your happiness.

This is where you have to have the courage to admit to yourself what you want and then start taking action steps towards it.

Another key thing that you can do when you and your partner are both being challenged at the same time is to seek help from someone outside of the paradox.

Ideally, someone who can help you see the big picture, such as a coach, mentor, a trusted friend, etc.

If this is you and you are looking for more information on navigating this, please reach out to me at [email protected]. This is one of my specialties, and I love helping people have more consciously loving relationships.

In the meantime, I would love for you to comment below and let me know what’s a big challenge that you’ve been navigating and would love more guidance on.

Lots of love,

Andrea

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Out What Now Podcast: What’s Holding You Back?

 

 

Out What Now Podcast Part 2:

A few weeks back on the Out What Now Podcast,  Megan and I talked a little about her journey as my client and the significant themes that often keep people stuck.

Megan also asked me what the major limiting beliefs that I have experienced on my journey were.

Here’s what I shared:

A common theme that I found on my inner journey and that of many of my LGBTQ2+ clients is this theme around subconsciously holding myself back because I rejected myself for being a lesbian when I was younger.

For example, the reason I went to see a coach years ago was because I was unhappy with my career.

On the outside, it looked like I was living a perfect life.

If you looked on the inside, though, I still felt like the life I had created wasn’t enough, and I was still searching for that missing piece but didn’t know what that was. I felt depleted, helpless, anxious, lost and frustrated within my career and thought I was wasting my life.

The truth is that the reason I was feeling stuck, lost and unfulfilled was because of subconscious beliefs and fears I had learned over time. Most of these blocks were actually tied to feeling unworthy of love from when I rejected myself when I was younger for being a lesbian.

It’s fascinating because there is NO WAY I would have been able to connect those dots consciously.

So what I found in my journey is that although I was happy being gay, subconsciously, I was still associating something ‘bad’  or ‘unsafe’ with it, and it was keeping me stuck.


The important thing to note here is that consciously I was confident with my sexuality.

At the time, I am happily married to my wife. I’m a founding board member for the first internal support network for LGBTQ2+ officers and allies. I had been featured in an LGBTQ documentary, I was hosting ‘Happy to be me’ workshops, etc. but subconsciously, there was still something keeping me stuck.

One way this showed up was when I went to take my business to the next level. I had tons of resistance around being ‘happy’ and ‘successful’ and sharing my message with the world. I felt like I was playing small, and I kept myself in the closet, so to speak in terms of fully living from my heart and being me.

This is important because “you won’t create what you want in life; you create what you believe.”

This is something that my mentor Lise Janelle taught me, and it stuck with me.

“You won’t create what you want in life. You create what you believe.”

And the truth is if you don’t believe that you’re worthy, because of (insert illusion here), then later in life, when you go to take your life, relationships, finances, career, etc. to the next level, subconsciously, you’ll hold yourself back.

Your conscious mind wants it, but subconsciously you are saying no, this isn’t safe, people aren’t going to like you anymore, you will be rejected, you aren’t worthy, etc.

The problem is most of the time; you have no idea what your beliefs are.

That is why having a tool and resources to help you release these limiting beliefs is game-changing and the key to success!

After seeing how much this has transformed my life and those around me, I have a huge desire to help others do the same.

I provide my clients with the tools and resources to help them identify and release the subconscious blocks that are keeping them stuck so that they can get out of their own way and live the life they are meant to.

For the full podcast, be sure to visit here

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Out What Now Podcast: How to navigate challenges as you are ‘waking-up.

 

 

Last week, I enjoyed being a guest on the Out What Now Podcast hosted by Megan Pulvermacher.

Megan is by far one of the most authentic, funny and incredible people I know. She also happens to be one of my all-star clients. If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to her Out What Now Podcast. You will not be disappointed!

One of the things we chatted about on the podcast was this idea around ‘waking up’ and how when you are waking up, it doesn’t necessarily mean that life gets ‘easier’ (it gets better), but not necessarily ‘easier.’

As you start doing your inner work and becoming more conscious and aware of your life, it doesn’t mean that things are all of a sudden amazing and free of challenges.

There are still challenges; they just come in different forms.

For instance, a common challenge can be feeling like you are growing, but the people around you are not on the same wavelength as you—and you may feel like your environment is no longer supporting you.

The truth is, there will always be equal support and challenge, no matter where you are on your journey.

The cool thing about ‘waking up’ though is that although there are challenges, if you play the game right, they are more inspiring and more aligned with your heart desires instead of just uninspiring challenges that others throw your way.

In this “awake” phase, the key is to live from your heart.

When you live from your heart, nothing’s missing. This is the most fulfilling, inspiring place to be.

True success is living from your heart!

A great representation of real success is the Yin and Yang.

Yin, which is the female principle, means to listen. Your heart wants you to know two things.

  1. That you are worthy of love, loveable and loved
  2. To admit your dreams, goals, and aspirations.

Yang, which is a male principle, means acting.

Once you’ve admitted what you truly want, the key is to put it into action!

And you must do both!

Some people are good at listening, i.e. doing tons of personal development, reading etc. but are not putting it into action. And others are good at ‘doing’ and accomplishing, but often they don’t stop and listen, and one day they wake up and realize that their actions were unfulfilling.

You need both!

The truth is your heart is always speaking to you and has been this whole time; you likely just haven’t heard it because you’re not listening or you’re distracting yourself.

Remember, there is always going to be equal support and challenge. If you can challenge yourself to listen to your heart and get into action on its desires, you will be supported by living a great life!

If you’re looking for all support and to stay inside your comfort zone, or you’re just waiting for somebody or something outside of you to make it happen, then you will be challenged by the Universe.

Call me a control freak, but I’d rather challenge myself to live from my heart and be supported by the Universe than sit around and wait for a challenge.

And in my experience, doing your inner work and challenging yourself is the most fulfilling, inspiring place to live.

For the full podcast, be sure to check it out here.