In pursuit of unleashing your greatness and living the life that you know you’re capable of, it can sometimes feel like you don’t always have the intimate relationship you would love with your partner.

This is important because relationships often are one of your highest values. And when you have a healthy, loving relationship that will impact other areas of your life.

When you feel like you have a close, healthy, loving, intimate relationship, you often feel more connected, supported and like you are on top of the world.

On the other hand, when intimacy has been put on the back burner because of lack of time, energy, or life in general, life can sometimes feel lonely. Typical internal dialogue may also include second-guessing yourself or your relationship, feelings of ‘shoulds’ or ‘ought to’s’ and sometimes even guilt. This may lead to feeling needy, insecure or fearful, all of which are emotions that take you out of your heart.

One of the critical reasons for lack of intimacy in consciously loving relationships, especially if you have young children or a new career/business, is that it can consume you.

Let’s use business as an example, as it’s a common one for many high-performers.

Picture two circles, one of which represents you, and the other one represents your new business.

What often happens, especially in the first few years of starting a new business, is that you pour all your time and energy into what you are doing. You take little time for yourself and become consumed with what you do.

When you do this, the two separate circles actually become one, and you can lose yourself in your business. If you have young kids, you’ll likely see the same thing happen there.

Once you become engulfed with your career, business, kids, etc. what happens is when your partner comes into the picture, it can feel ‘unsafe’ on a subconscious level for you to be intimate because you don’t want to lose yourself completely.

And just know most of this is happening on a subconscious level, so you likely won’t know that the reason you aren’t feeling inspired to be intimate or you feel too tired, not enough time etc. is likely because of a fear that you don’t want to lose yourself.

One of the best things that you can do to shift this to have a more intimate relationship is to create more space and time for yourself, especially in the area of life where you are being ‘consumed’ or, in other words, giving all of yourself.

If you are spending all your time on work, it’s essential to take time away from it and do something for yourself. Likewise, if you are giving all your time and energy to your kids, it is vital for your relationship that you take time away from your kids (even if it’s for a short time).

When you do this instead of the two circles overlapping, they intersect slightly and allow for a more balanced, loving relationship. This will enable you to feel safe and be more open to being more intimate.

Step one in becoming more intimate is to take time for yourself. Write it down, carve out time, and start taking action on it.  If you’re getting stuck and find that you aren’t doing it, you may have a limiting belief holding you back.

A common theme I often see is feeling guilty for taking time for yourself, or the need to be hustling, to survive and thrive.

Just know that taking time for yourself is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and your relationship.

If you’re looking for more tips and advice on consciously loving relationships, check out my website at www.andreaparkercoaching.com/events.

I would love to support you wherever you are in your journey to take your life, love, and happiness to the next level.

 

 

One of the questions I often get asked is, “how do I navigate it when my partner, who I love, and want the best for, is irritating me?”

Relationship challenges are consistently one of the top three challenges high-performers come to me with for help. 

The truth is if you do not feel fulfilled in your relationship(s), it can have a significant impact on other areas of your life, including your inner happiness.

Odds are you have experienced this for yourself. 

Think back to when you and your partner (or if you are not currently with someone, insert somebody who you love), weren’t on the same page or when they were irritating you. 

This feeling of frustration can become distracting and take you out of your heart and away from showing up how you want to in the relationship.

So what do you do when this happens? 

Whether it’s your partner, spouse, co-worker, family member, etc., one of the number one tools that I would recommend using the next time you feel frustrated with someone is The Extreme Freedom Process©, created by Lise Janelle.  

Here’s how it works:

I recommend writing down the following questions and your answers as you go through this process. This isn’t something that you will be sharing with someone else (unless you choose to), so I invite you to be as honest as you can with yourself for each question.

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The Extreme Freedom Exercise:

Step 1: Ask yourself, what is their problem, and why is this frustrating you?

For instance, perhaps your partner is frustrating because they aren’t communicating with you. 

You can even dig a little further and ask what about them not communicating with me is bugging me?

Step 2: What is the advice you would give them? 

If only they would listen to you in an ideal world, “all” would be solved. What’s your advice to them?

For example, what advice would you give them about not communicating?

Step 3: Where in your life are you doing the same as they are in question one?

For example, ask yourself where in your life, are you not communicating?

The key is to humble yourself. 

It may not be in the exact same way, but just know that you, too, are doing the same thing. Keep searching until you discover what it is. 

Think of all the eight areas of your life (career, finances, social, spiritual, family, environment, physical, mental).

Perhaps you aren’t communicating with yourself?

Step 4: Based on the advice you gave them, what’s the advice you would give yourself?

The key is for you to get into action on the advice you would give yourself because the real reason your partner (or the other person) is irritating you is that you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to be doing. 

You have a block or resistance around it, that is creating an emotional charge. 

By YOU taking action and working on your number four (the advice you would give yourself), that’s when the magic happens, and most likely, one of two things will occur.

Either by you doing your inner work here and getting into action, you will naturally shift the other person, and they’ll stop doing whatever was bugging you, or they’ll continue to do it, but it will not upset you anymore because the charge is gone.

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It’s essential to pay attention to your answer to #4 because that’s a clue to where you have a block or limiting belief holding you back. 

When I am working with my clients, I have them complete this exercise and send me their answer to number four so that I can help them dissolve the block around it so that it’s no longer pushing their buttons, and they’re able to move forward with their action steps more effortlessly.

Just know that you will be both supported and challenged in your relationship.  By understanding this, it will help you to have more appreciation for yourself and your partner:) 

If you are interested in learning more about Love and Relationships, I invite you to visit my website and check-out my upcoming Love Mastery Workshop.  Click here for more information.