One of the most challenging times in a relationship is when you and your partner are both experiencing challenges simultaneously.
This past weekend at the Heart Freedom Method “Train the Trainer” weekend, hosted by Dr. Lise Janelle, this was one of the topics that popped up that I think is very relevant, and I wanted to share with you.
As individuals, we experience ebbs and flows (ups and downs, highs and lows).
Similarly, our partners experience their own ups and downs.
When you and your partner are both “up” together, that’s a fun place to be!
This is often where you feel supported, successful and like things are going well.
The next best place to be is when one of you is “up,” and the other is “down.”
The reason for this is that even though one partner may be stressed out, fearful, challenged, etc., the other is in a “good” place where they can help them navigate it and bring them up.
And vice versa.
The most challenging time in a relationship is when both partners are ‘down’ or challenged at the same time.
And here’s why…
Often when people are stressed, they default to old patterns and past behaviours rather than showing up consciously.
I often see that people revert to the first imprint of love that they experienced, which in most cases was with their parents or guardians.
As a child, when you are stressed or upset, you look to your parent to soothe you and make you feel safer and loved. This is a “need” based relationship, not a consciously loving one.
Fast forward to adulthood and (insert current challenge), it’s like a button is being pushed and rather than showing up as yourself, you act the same way you did when you were younger and expecting your partner to soothe you and make you feel safer and loved.
Then on top of that, if your partner is also ‘needing’ you, it adds to more stressors in the relationship.
So how do you navigate this?
The most important thing you can do is to take control of your own life.
Consciously give yourself what is it that you want someone else to give you.
For instance, ask yourself, what is it that you want your partner to give you right now? Is it love, attention, space, money, etc?
Next, ask yourself, how can you give that to yourself?
This is the key to a consciously loving relationship.
By taking control of your life (including your career, finances, social, spiritual, knowledge, environment, physical), you show up as a conscious co-creator, rather than ‘needing’ your partner to be the source of your happiness.
This is where you have to have the courage to admit to yourself what you want and then start taking action steps towards it.
Another key thing that you can do when you and your partner are both being challenged at the same time is to seek help from someone outside of the paradox.
Ideally, someone who can help you see the big picture, such as a coach, mentor, a trusted friend, etc.
If this is you and you are looking for more information on navigating this, please reach out to me at [email protected]. This is one of my specialties, and I love helping people have more consciously loving relationships.
In the meantime, I would love for you to comment below and let me know what’s a big challenge that you’ve been navigating and would love more guidance on.
Lots of love,
Andrea
